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Here is another example of a simple error of omission that could have been caught if the student had read the essay aloud or given it to a friend to read. The word "of" should be between "calculation" and "the." That one small error makes the entire sentence awkward and confusing. If the instructor has to reread the sentence to try to understand its meaning, the flow of the essay is interrupted. If this happens often enough in the essay, it gives an overall bad impression on what otherwise might be a very good paper in terms of research.
The services provided by your organization are valuable and necessary in our present day circumstances. When I think of all the people you have helped already, and when I think of the vast number of people still in need, I feel not only deeply grateful for your courage and vision, but also strongly compelled to help support your good cause. Although the enclosed donation is, of necessity, not as expansive as my emotional and intellectual support, I hope it provides at least a small amount of assistance toward the continuation of your services.